Teens@Random

Ag.

The people at Random House tell me you guys are going to ask me questions. Even though I'm a fictional character.

(Don't even ask what neuroses begin bubbling in the back of my head now that I've acknowledged  I am fictional. Let's just leave that meta insanity for my appointments with Doctor Z and pretend I exist. Okay?)

Okay.

You can ask my advice if you want, and if it's like something from The Boy Book, like a question about the care and maintenance of boobs, or clever responses to cat calls, or what to wear when you might be making out with someone, then I can probably answer. Even though you should keep in mind that I'm only seventeen and have really seriously questionable mental health. Therefore you should probably NOT ask me about anything too important like ethics or life crises, because I am hardcore unqualified to answer any of that business.

Also, you can ask me questions. Like. Um. Stuff about my life. Reasons I did things. Secrets that may not be in the books. I'll try to answer. Though, you know -- the reasons I do things are MYSTERIES EVEN TO ME, which is why I need so much therapy.

Anyway. Ask away.

-- Ruby Oliver

Posted Jun 26, 2009, 01:35:08 PM

Hey, Ruby!

I really appreciated reading about your fall outs with your friends before I began to have fall outs with my friends...it helped ease the pain and know that I wasn't alone! Plus, your voice is great. I so wish you were real. Haha.

My question is: What are the top 10 movies every person should see before s/he dies? And what's up with you and Noel...or do I just have to wait until Treasure Map comes out?

You rock!

-Kristin

Posted Jun 28, 2009, 05:36:32 PM

I got to say, I think you should have gotten with Noel. I mean, your friend ditched you, but Noel stuck around. But that's just me :) What's therapy like? Any tips for the newly mental? And, if you're in a question answering mood, what's your funniest secret?

Posted Jun 29, 2009, 08:08:36 PM

Hi Kristin,

Top ten movies. Well, you know I love to make lists, but there could be WAY MORE THAN TEN ON HERE.

1.  Breathless. Jean Paul Belmondo is like a god of cool. Also good for impressing your French teacher. But beware: after watching this movie, you will be tempted to get a really, really short haircut.  This DOES NOT LOOK GOOD ON ALL PEOPLE. BE CAREFUL.

2. Star Wars.

3. The Gods Must Be Crazy. Yah, it's about a coke bottle. But more than that.

4. Grease.

5. Moulin Rouge.  Even though it does make it seem like being a prostitute is a good way to land a quality boyfriend.

6. The Godfather. Yes, it's all about old guys killing each other, but it's really good.

7. Double Indemnity. Murder! Romance. Amazing outfits!

8. Mettalica: Some Kind of Monster. Heavy metal band goes into therapy. When Hutch and I had our documentary movie club, this was the best thing we watched.

9.  A Hard Day's Night. The Beatles. Back when they were young. And funny.

10.  Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask. Agiant boob chases people across the country. Do I need to say more?

That's my list. Today. It might change if you ask me tomorrow.

But you know what? EVERY SINGLE MOVIE I JUST LISTED WAS MADE BY A MAN.

Also: EVERYONE OF THEM IS MAINLY ABOUT MEN AND MANLY MANLY THINGS.

How messed up is that?

I mean, they're all really excellent movies, but we girls have got to go out and start making films about ourselves because this is a craptastic scenario that all my favorite films would be so un-female.  Because it's not just me. Movie making is still a very male-dominated field, especially any kind of movie anyone considers a classic.

Posted Jun 29, 2009, 09:39:30 PM

re: Noel. All I can say is: read the next book. It's not over til it's over.

Therapy is kind of nervewracking and weird, but seriously, it helps.   I suck at giving advice about actual life problems, since my life is obviously a complete debacle -- but I would say don't be scared of therapy and keep going even if it's kind of crappy at frist.

My funniest secret: Ag. Most of my secrets are horrorshow painful. I have to think overnight on this one.

Posted Jun 29, 2009, 11:55:09 PM

Hallo there, Ruby! How goes it?

I've a few questions, if you don't mind:

I'm a bit of word nerd, and I was wondering if you had a few words that you particularly like the sound of.

Describe the worst haircut you've ever gotten.

Do you want any tattoos or piercings?

Posted Jun 30, 2009, 11:36:34 PM

Hey, GaudyApartmentComplex (love the name, btw)! I don't know exactly how Ruby will answer this question but I particularly like the sound of 'fret', 'mojo', all that 'jazz'.

Ruby, I've only read about the second half of your junior year so I don't know if you mentioned anything about this or not, in the years before. But, what was your middle school years like? Did you know Norah and Kim back then?

Posted Jul 01, 2009, 10:38:20 AM

Gaudy Apartment Complex.  Hello!

The worst haircut was after I saw Breathless in seventh grade. My Grandma Suzette took me to see it. Jean Seberg looks so amazing in her pixie cut that I immediately went out and got mine cut like hers. I looked like a 10 year old boy in military school.

I like tattoos, but not piercings so much. Maybe I'll get something on my ankle when I'm older.  This friend of my mom's has a series of bands around her wrist that are really pretty.

Words: My favorite word right now is Spankin'.  Meaning: excellent. As in, That's a spankin' pair of lederhosen you're wearing!

Roo

Last Modified Jul 01, 2009, 11:02:18 AM

Hi Girl with the Braids --

I hope the third book made sense when you read it out of order!

There is completely TMI about middle school in The Boyfriend List, including detailed descriptions of every single guy I ever had a crush on, a thought about, a kiss with - absolutely anything.

I became best friends with Kim in Kindergarten when she stopped people making fun of my glasses. Nora we befriended in fourth grade, and Cricket in middle school. We were a foursome until the debacles of sophomore year. Together, we wrote a  manual for understanding the male of the species entitled The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors, Plus Techniques for Taming Them -- kind of like a science book about wildebeests or something.

You can read excerpts from that questionable volume in the second book of the series.

Posted Jul 01, 2009, 11:44:42 AM

Hi Roo,

It's a riot to read about your mind's inner workings. I have some questions for you.

1. Why did you originally like Jackson so much? I never liked the sound of him from the beginning, but I wasn't in your shoes.

2. Do you ever go over what would have happened if those college kids didn't stream out of the bar at the moment you and Noel might've kissed? Do you think it would have changed things?

3. Did you suspect Norah had a crush on Noel before she told you?

Well, I can't wait for Treasure Maps. Thanks for answering my questions!

Posted Jul 04, 2009, 10:12:32 PM

BeatsBeats. Hello.

I don't KNOW why I liked Jackson so much. I just did. That's how romance works, I think. But YOU also knew things were going to turn out badly from the start of the book!  Sadly, my actual life does not come with OMINOUS FORSHADOWING.

I think about kissing Noel all the time. Yes! And in The Treasure Map of Boys.... well. I will leave you to read it.

Yes, I suspected Norah had a crush on Noel. Because she flipped her hair around and touched his arm too much. But I did not WANT her to have a crush on him, so I ignored it. This willful blindness is what Doctor Z likes to call denial, and apparently I am rather good at it.

Roo

Posted Jul 05, 2009, 04:35:21 PM

So, maybe I did have a wee crush on Noel, but I can't help but always be most interested in the bits that included him. So, I was rather crushed when Nora confessed to liking him and then he wanted to kiss you after wards, because I was so rooting for you two to being together.

When Nora first told you that she liked Noel, did you contemplate telling her that you liked him, too? I know you guys have the "She who calls him has him" rule, but you'd liked him for a lot longer. Maybe if you'd explained that you'd been so confused and had never said anything, she might have reconsidered? How do you think she would have responded, if you'd told her that liked him?

Posted Jul 06, 2009, 05:41:06 PM

Hi Ashurrii!

I thought about it -- and yes, that would probably have been the MATURE and MENTALLY HEALTHY thing to do -- but my friendship with Nora was so CONDITIONAL. She pretty much thought I was a famous *, remember? So even though we were good friends, it was only based on a kind of unspoken agreement that I would refrain from doing anything slutty, and especially anything slutty like TAKE THE GUY SHE LIKED.

In The Treasure Map of Boys I do try to tell her. But the results are....

well, I'll leave you to find out.

Roo

Posted Jul 08, 2009, 09:47:34 AM

Oh, ag.

You guys asked SO MANY MANY MANY QUESTIONS. And some of them were serious!

I mean, hardcore life questions that I, as a (fictional) 17 year-old friendless noboyfriend mental patient am in no way equipped to answer.

So I need to say this to you before you read anything I wrote:

1. Sorry if I couldn't answer yours. There were way more than I could manage, because I have to apply for COLLEGE and a lot is going on for me on the personal front that you will only find out about when the fourth Ruby Oliver book -- Real Live Boyfriends -- comes out next year.

2. I see a shrink. It's really not so bad.In fact, I strongly recommend it if you haveserious stuff going on in your life, or if you feel like you're snapping.

3. If you have questions about what it's like to go to therapy, read The Boyfriend List,The Boy Book and The Treasure Map of Boys. You'll get some idea of what the whole process is like.

4. There were a lot of questions about writing. E. Lockhart (the author of all the Ruby books) should answer these, and maybe you want to look at her FAQ on her website: http://e-lockhart.com/?page_id=14

5.. I can't tell you what choice to make, but protection protection protection. You're a fool if you don't use it, and treat it like it's your job to bring it.

Okay. Here are my answers!!

Love,

Roo

Secret Name:

cut grass

My question for Ruby:

why do boys often refers to girls in derogatory terms?

Because they are Neanderthals. Also, deep inside they feel unsure whether they are big strong manly manly dudes or even worth anything at all.

Calling us crappy names makes them temporarily feel superior.

Also, nobody taught them any better.

I sometimes ask: "Did your mama teach all her children to be sexists, or did she single you out specially?"

Secret Name:

polished boots

My question for Ruby:

do boys see girls as real people instead of as quests or hurdles to get over?

If they are worth anything, they do.

Secret Name:

Bobby Jo Jr.

My question for Ruby:

Ruby, given the choice, would you rather eat hundreds of Jesus marshmallows or chick marshmallows?

Bobby Jo, you obviously read The Treasure Map of Boys, ,so you know I hate marshmallows.

If I had to eat them, I would pick the chicks. I would TOAST them and eat them in S'mores.

Jesus S'mores would be too disturbing.

Secret Name:

Worried

Question for Ruby:

What does it mean when a boy won't meet your eyes?

It means it is time to look for a boy who will.

Secret Name:

NEMO

My question for Ruby:

Am I ever going to write again???

I feel that I have lost my talant :(

Yes, you are. Writing involves long periods of not writing.

Secret Name:

Secret Name #2

My question for Ruby:

I'm afraid of needles. And medical stuffins. I have to get my wisdom teeth out in a week. What can I do to deal with my fear

Ag. Poor you.

Your might try some of the techniquesDoctor Z taught me for calming down when I'm having panic attacks.

I breathe deep and slow andcount my breaths. I squeeze a tennis ball in my hands or toss it back and forth from one hand to the other. (This quiets the brain somehow. I have no idea how.) I listen to retro metal and jump around. (Though retro metal may not work for you. But music with a beat that's strong enough to be distracting).

Do you have headphones and a music player? You can probably even bring it to the dentist ans wear it during the procedure.

Secret Name:

confused

My question for Ruby:

I am don't know where to take my girl friend on a first date and i live in a small town with no movie theaters or good restaurant and I dont have my drivers licence, help?

Bowling is good. Picnic is good.Nature walk.Have her over to your house and try to make brownies.

Secret Name:

wonderinwoman

My question for Ruby:

My ex boyfriend keeps leaving but he always comes back. I won't hear from him for months but he always comes back. Is this a sign that it's meant to be and that we should get back together?

-wonderinwoman

No. I am only seventeen and have highly limited experience and even I can tell you that's a sign that he is unreliable. Sounds like a recipe for angst and heartbreak to me.

Secret Name:

Ms. Confuzzled

My question for Ruby:

So, I like this one guy. He's really funny, sweet and all that, total skater. I've known him for probably 3 years now. He's my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without him... we've had our ups and down, and let me tell you the downs aren't fun.

But there's also another guy. I've known him for the majority of my life, he's also really funny and sweet and when ever he's

touches me or is even around me I get this weird feeling. He's a total country boy, cowboy boots, plaid the whole 9 yard, and

he's got these amazing brown eyes. He's as close as I think I can get to your... whatever your imaginary boyfriend was, and

he's real. And I'm just really confused, everyone that sees me with either tells me that they like me or ask if we're dating, and

although the two don't show open hostility I don't think they like each other very much, it's there, but I think they try and hide

it for me... the latter hiding it a little better that the other. But I don't know what to do, I like them both, the country one a little

more maybe, but I'm afraid that if I choose I'll end up losing one good friendship, or if I don't choose soon, I'll lose both. I

know that you constantly say that you're not the best one to be giving advice on this type of thing, but what's your opinion, I

just need help.

Ag!

But not a bad problem to have.

I have a question for you, Ms. Confuzzled.Are you seeing these guys as like, imaginary Tommy Hazard type boyfriends? Or are you seeing them as people? People who might be dorky or nervous or sad or annoying sometimes?

I think you should try hard to see the guys as people, 'cause when you start thinking a guy is a dream boyfriend, the ending is not going to be pretty.

Also, I think you can kiss the second guy, the country one, with no consequences really.

So why not try it and see how you feel?

Secret Name:

susan259

My question for Ruby:

what should I do if my best friend doesn't like me anymore?

Know that you are not alone. I lost my best friend, too and it is complete agony.

There is nothing to do except hold your head highand look for new friends.

Secret Name:

Running Down

My question for Ruby:

I'm going to be going away from home for the first time, going away to college four hours away. I've never even been to summer camp, so I'm afraid that I won't know what to do without my family around me. Any advice on how to cope?

- Running Down

I have never been away from home either, but I asked my friend L. -- who just finished freshman year at college. She says: "You will be so glad your parents arent there! Trust me. Your college friends will become your family."

(I hope she's right!)

Secret Name:

Agatha

My question for Ruby:

Dear Ruby, I a senior in high school and am considering colleges. My friend really wants me to go where she goes, but I'm not sure if I want to go with her. I fell like I should make the decision on my own and I don't want to feel like I copied her. What should I do?

Make the decision on your own. My friend L. (the college freshman) agrees. She says everything changes at college and you have to go where there's stuff you want to study, sports you like, the kind of campus and location you want, and all of that.

Secret Name:

Luckless in Love

My question for Ruby:

I've had a crush on the same guy since I first met him three or so years ago. We've become friends and he's invited me to some of his sporting events and asked me to dance, and he went to a concert with me when I asked him. He always sends out such mixed signals.. I don 't know if I should keep waiting or move on, or if I even CAN move on. What should I do?

Kiss him.

(My college friend L says: Dress up in high heels and lots of black clothes and maybe some leather. Act really flirty and see what he does. She says she wishes she'd done that more in high school.)

Secret Name:

dudette

My question for Ruby:

when did you have your first kiss?

Ag, ag and more ag. It is chronicled in all its slimy spitty detail in The Boyfriend List.

Secret Name:

Gender Bender

My question for Ruby:

I've heard both sides of the argument: 1. It's the 21st century, it's totally okay for girls to ask out guys. and 2. No matter how the times are changing, guys still love the thrill of the chase. I am so confused!!! IS it okay for women to ask out men or is that something that will always be taboo?

Ask him out. If the guy is freaked out by it, he's not the guy for you. Who wants to go out with a guy who is all about the chase? He'll just get bored quickly. And who wants to go out buy a guy who's freaked out by a girl asking him?

Not me.

Secret Name:

Lost

My question for Ruby:

I got lost and thew my map in the river how else can I return home, is a compass okay?

Dear Lost,

This was my favorite question of all the questions.

Use a compas if you can. I prefer to borrow Meghan's iPhone, which has a mapping thinggee on it.

Secret Name:

friend-less

My question for Ruby:

Hi Ruby, how do I make friends with new people in camp?

Bring temporary tattoos. Or maybe gum. Everyone likes a girl with gum.

(Please remember that I am a leper when you take my advice!)

Posted Aug 23, 2009, 03:45:34 PM